Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
