I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
