she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
