My hand turned me down
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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