We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
