put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
