i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
