your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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