I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize
