Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
