dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
