Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
So squirting runs in the family.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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