She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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