I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
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