he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
