This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
