She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
