Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
so much tequila, so little girl.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Randomize
