i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
