I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
