i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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