my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Randomize
