I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
