I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
