super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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