I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
