Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
