get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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