Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
