are you still at the devil's house?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize