I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
This is classic penis vs brain.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
