I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
