I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
