is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
