I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
