i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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