I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
