half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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