I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
