his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
