Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize