tonight lets celebrate not being married
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
