RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Is this like a preordered booty call?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
