Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
