Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
