then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
