The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
birth control should be required to get into college
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
