Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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