She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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