I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
