so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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