I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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