you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize