That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
