God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
