at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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