I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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