it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
she pinky promised me she was 18
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
