She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
