I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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