Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize